i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
