Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
