I got chris browned last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
