Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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