I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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