So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
