I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
