Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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