Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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