he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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