I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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