are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
