I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
