How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
