What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That's intense
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
