Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
