After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
