The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
