Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
