My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
