Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
