can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
