There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
