and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
