he thought i was a dude.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
