so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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