I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
