I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
