I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
