There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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