Redeem this text for a blowjob
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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