so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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