whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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