So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
