My liver just broke up with me...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
