The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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