how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
