That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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