Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
