I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
