We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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