Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
