I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
high people should be assigned attendants
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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