His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
