I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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