The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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