we're blogging at a bar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
