You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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