i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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