i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
