she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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